He told me he cheated because I was staying far from him. Distance is the animal , he said . I listened , I cried as he narrated how he was like a prodigal son. Cheat but know where you belong . Why was I crying? Well , because pain is a reminder of what not to do. I remembered , that moment as he was pouring his out to me that I had swore with every feminist oink in me that no other man was to hurt me. Why was he my weakness? Why is he still is?
How gullible , i forgave him . That night we shared his bed . He wanted to have sex and was ready to be in that zone again , but i wasnt. I told him i coudn't . He told me how he felt like i had not forgiven him .But then what does sex have to do with forgiving each other? Sex cant solve a brken relationship , i told him.
I realised then that , with women like me , sex means nothing and it is not sine qou non to how we feel in a relationship . All i needed was to be understood . For him to take me in his arms and assure me he was not going to cheat again , that me and him have a future and not to bonk bonk the whole night when all i felt was a deep bruise on my heart. I need to be understood , sex is not my way of saying i forgive you or i love you . There is plenty of it and a lifetime full of sex.
Bruised
Black Violet
