ARE YOU BUYING ME? REALLY?
So a friend's comment on my facebook wall made me realize a lot about how the whole concept of lobola has evolved from the primitive to our day society. What hit me was,ah every woman gotta love those primitive days where a man and his family would come with brewed beer,goats,seeds and cattle (danga) to ask for her hand in marriage..Oh such a sign of love and long life matrimonial union.They used to say we marry the womb , but did women complain? No because she was predestined to bear life in her womb and it was every woman's dream to have a man pay lobola for her.I also remember having the same dreams , sitting next to my mother as she receive her fair share of the "money" or danga God knows what. Now i realize society applauds a man with female children more. Why? Because more money in the house. The monetization of bridal price has left us women to be commodities on the market..My father looks at me and all he sees is money and a truck full of cattle.,.I realized i do not need to feel like im being sold , i need to feel like we are building a union with my man.Why does it have to feel like he is buying me? Ok the buying process is over , you hear him saying , do this and that because i paid lobola for you..Is it then supposed to be like that? My learned friend then said,Rose , if you want to fight for equality start by refusing to be bought all under the guise of paying lobola..Where and how do we draw the line then that this man is symbolizing love or he is buying a "sex machine" or a housewife? At the end of the day it is difficult to understand but my friend is correct i do not want to be bought..I want him to symbolize his love!!!Too bad we cant really take the whole concept of bridal price away no matter what because it also serves as a trophy for our mothers who would have done a good job in raising us according to good norms and values but i fear such practice is slowly being corrupt by monetary desires.
BLACK VIOLET
Friday, 3 August 2012
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
RAPE ISN'T FUNNY
I'm wearing out of fighting the battle against the trivialization of rape. I'm growing tired of telling people rape isn't funny and worse still rape joke aint either. I'm writing to tell you they need to stop. I was touched by my fellow feminist writer Andrea who called for a 24hour truce where women would just live freely without being raped..Every minute every second a woman is being raped somewhere in the world, a woman is being battered, im worn out its not funny.Have you realize.for every voice that speaks out against them, three other appear to tell them hah these feminist are just being over sensitive.
People who joke around with rape probably haven't been raped. they probably don't know anybody who has been raped. They don't understand rape because their only exposure to it is in a trivialized form used as nothing more than just a comic device for a cheap laugh. how do you educate somebody do unwilling to be educated? How do you break down their years of false experience and replace it with even the basest modicum of understanding? Rape is tactless and irresponsible. Rape jokes worse are a legitimization of rapists actions under the guise of societal acceptance and to a victim they are a reminder of an ordeal best forgotten.
In a society still leaning heavily on patriarchal imbalance , women are the main victims of rape. This is why there is such a vehement opposition from feminists and their groups. That doesnt make it purely a feminist issue though.Men get raped too and it might not be as common as women but it happens , this is the reason why people should understand it is not funny..You rob someone's dignity and person-hood so it should stop.
Rape is an issue for absolutely everyone regardless of gender and people need to understand this. But the point here is it is not funny and it has to stop.We are tired of having these conversations and arguments...why do we have to trivialize each other like that?LETS STOP.
BLACK VIOLET
I'm wearing out of fighting the battle against the trivialization of rape. I'm growing tired of telling people rape isn't funny and worse still rape joke aint either. I'm writing to tell you they need to stop. I was touched by my fellow feminist writer Andrea who called for a 24hour truce where women would just live freely without being raped..Every minute every second a woman is being raped somewhere in the world, a woman is being battered, im worn out its not funny.Have you realize.for every voice that speaks out against them, three other appear to tell them hah these feminist are just being over sensitive.
People who joke around with rape probably haven't been raped. they probably don't know anybody who has been raped. They don't understand rape because their only exposure to it is in a trivialized form used as nothing more than just a comic device for a cheap laugh. how do you educate somebody do unwilling to be educated? How do you break down their years of false experience and replace it with even the basest modicum of understanding? Rape is tactless and irresponsible. Rape jokes worse are a legitimization of rapists actions under the guise of societal acceptance and to a victim they are a reminder of an ordeal best forgotten.
In a society still leaning heavily on patriarchal imbalance , women are the main victims of rape. This is why there is such a vehement opposition from feminists and their groups. That doesnt make it purely a feminist issue though.Men get raped too and it might not be as common as women but it happens , this is the reason why people should understand it is not funny..You rob someone's dignity and person-hood so it should stop.
Rape is an issue for absolutely everyone regardless of gender and people need to understand this. But the point here is it is not funny and it has to stop.We are tired of having these conversations and arguments...why do we have to trivialize each other like that?LETS STOP.
BLACK VIOLET
SCREAM
What i would like to do is scream
And in that scream i would have the screams of
the raped , and the sobs of the battered and even worse
in the center of the screams i would have the defeaning sound
of women's silence.That silence into which we were born and because we are women and in which most will die.
The plea here is simple.Women are human to precisely that degree and quality that you are!!!!
BLACK VIOLET
What i would like to do is scream
And in that scream i would have the screams of
the raped , and the sobs of the battered and even worse
in the center of the screams i would have the defeaning sound
of women's silence.That silence into which we were born and because we are women and in which most will die.
The plea here is simple.Women are human to precisely that degree and quality that you are!!!!
BLACK VIOLET
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