The need to be understood.

He told me he cheated because I was staying far from him. Distance is the animal , he said . I listened  , I cried as he narrated how he was like a prodigal son. Cheat but know where you belong . Why was I crying? Well , because pain is a reminder of what not to do. I remembered , that moment as he was pouring his out to me that I had swore with every feminist oink in me that no other man was to hurt me. Why was he my weakness? Why is he still is?
How gullible , i forgave him . That night we shared his bed . He wanted to have sex and was ready to be in that zone again , but i wasnt. I told him i coudn't . He told me how he felt like i had not forgiven him .But then what does sex have to do with forgiving each other? Sex cant solve a brken relationship , i told him.
I realised then that , with women like me , sex means nothing and it is not sine qou non to how we feel in a relationship . All i needed was to be understood . For him to take me in his arms and assure me he was not going to cheat again , that me and him have a future and not to bonk bonk the whole night when all i felt was a deep bruise on my heart. I need to be understood , sex is not my way of saying i forgive you or i love you . There is plenty of it and a lifetime full of sex.

Bruised
Black Violet

WHY MAKE THE  OTHER YOUR BOSS??

For a long time , i'v seen and unfortunately came to the conclusion that black women or need i say black Africans have dreams but in those dreams , they dream of making it big sadly by working for the other. Is it that we are afraid to be our own boss? I need to explore dreams in which i would be my own boss and own my own stipends , why wait for someone to pay me at the end of  the month or work my ass out just to make another person rich? I do not speak or write as articulately but i guess my message is clear here , one has to strive to be their own person.Structures and beauracracies in our society that are modelled to keep a black man or woman surbodinate to being another's worker must be reviewed and its high time we throw them away because they are taking us nowhere.

I do not need to wake up 10years and regret that i could have made it as a law firm owner or as a partner somewhere in the world.Get done with the fear..My mother always says, a dream can only be a dream when you wake up to live it , if you dream big and wake up to do nothing , it becomes a facade.Wake up and live that dream , wake up and be the president , wake up and be the lawyer or accountant you dreamed of last night..

To friends , sisters , frminists , nature and mothers!!!!

Black Violet

Hey Friends !!!!

To you my life lovers , my feminist brothers , sisters and mothers ... I have been busy working on an article about Sex and the media , and it is taking up much of my time .. I also have an article about the double standardness of society with regards to homosexuality ..please stay put i will be publishing soon!!

Your feminine blood sister and lover of life

BLACK VIOLET

DEVOUR AND I WILL RUN…..

Sex is so easy; I can open my legs and save you

It is so little for me to do. I know so much

It is defilement, I’ll show you how

There is an endless abundance of it with no limits

You say I am a woman, this what I was born to give,

How it will end? I don’t know.

They say sex is the vehicle of redemption

Let me in my cage then I don’t need your salvation

He is normal, he is hard so he wants to devour, devour and devour

The human man, who gets hard not impotent

He is in a rage like a mad dog

The mad dog picks me. The petite girl, the innocent saint, the little darling

He is inside, gashes me, devour, devour and devour

When what’s inside comes out, I never say .Torn, pulverized

And I could not even crawl, the rest is unspeakable

Reader, he devours, devour and devour.

And they say this is what I was born to give? That it is redemption and not rape?

I’ll tell you now; I do not feel anything anymore

I forgot I am a woman and I am supposed to give every him sex

All I know is, I love life fiercely

Sex is easy when he is mine and I accord to it

There is an endless abundance of it; I can open my legs for him to see

And it costs me nothing. Finally I know how it will end

I will run, he will not rape me again!!!!

Oh rape , you have sat too long here

for any good you have been doing

Depart I say , and let us have done with you.

In the name of humanity and God! Go!!!!

In memory of my all-time role model Andrea Dworkin ( RIP)

Complied by “Roeze Vee Mutebuka” (The Black Violet) adopted from the radical of the radicals, sisters, women and feminists!!

ARE YOU BUYING ME? REALLY?

So a friend's comment on my facebook wall  made me realize a lot about how the whole concept of lobola has evolved from the primitive to our day society. What hit me was,ah every woman gotta love those primitive days where a man and his family would come with brewed beer,goats,seeds and cattle (danga) to ask for her hand in marriage..Oh such a sign of love and long life matrimonial union.They used to say we marry the womb , but did women complain? No because she was predestined to bear life in her womb and it was every woman's dream to have a man pay lobola for her.I also remember having the same dreams , sitting next to my mother as she receive her fair share of the "money" or danga God knows what. Now i realize society applauds a man with female children more. Why? Because more money in the house. The monetization of bridal price has left us women to be commodities on the market..My father looks at me and all he sees is money and a truck full of cattle.,.I realized i do not need to feel like im being sold , i need to feel like we are building a union with my man.Why does it have to feel like he is buying me? Ok the buying process is over , you hear him saying , do this and that because i paid lobola for you..Is it then supposed to be like that? My learned friend then said,Rose , if you want to fight for equality start by refusing to be bought all under the guise of paying lobola..Where and how do we draw the line then that this man is symbolizing love or he is buying a "sex machine" or a housewife? At the end of the day it is difficult to understand but my friend is correct i do not want to be bought..I want him to symbolize his love!!!Too bad we cant really take the whole concept of bridal price away no matter what because it also serves as a trophy for our mothers who would have done a good job in raising us according to good norms and values but i fear such practice is slowly being corrupt by monetary desires.

BLACK VIOLET

RAPE ISN'T FUNNY

I'm wearing out of fighting the battle against the trivialization of rape. I'm growing tired of telling people rape isn't funny and worse still rape joke aint either. I'm writing to tell you they need to stop. I was touched by my fellow feminist writer Andrea who called for a 24hour truce where women would just live freely without being raped..Every minute every second a woman is being raped somewhere in the world, a woman is being battered, im worn out its not funny.Have you realize.for every voice that speaks out against them, three other appear to tell them hah these feminist are just being over sensitive.

People who joke around with rape probably haven't been raped. they probably don't know anybody who has been raped. They don't understand rape because their only exposure to it is in a trivialized form used as nothing more than just a comic device for a cheap laugh. how do you educate somebody do unwilling to be educated? How do you break down their years of false experience and replace it with even the basest modicum of understanding? Rape is tactless and irresponsible. Rape jokes worse are a legitimization of rapists actions under the guise of societal acceptance and to a victim they are a reminder of an ordeal best forgotten.
In a society still leaning heavily on patriarchal imbalance , women are the main victims of rape. This is why there is such a vehement opposition from feminists and their groups. That doesnt make it purely a feminist issue though.Men get raped too and it might not be as common as women but it happens , this is the reason why people should understand it is not funny..You rob someone's dignity and person-hood so it should stop.
Rape is an issue for absolutely everyone regardless of gender and people need to understand this. But the point here is it is not funny and it has to stop.We are tired of having these conversations and arguments...why do we have to trivialize each other like that?LETS STOP.

BLACK VIOLET

SCREAM
What i would like to do is scream
And in that scream i would have the screams of
the raped , and the sobs of the battered and even worse
in the center of the screams i would have the defeaning sound
of women's silence.That silence into which we were born and because we are women and in which most will die.
The plea here is simple.Women are human to precisely that degree and quality that you are!!!!

BLACK VIOLET